Thankful to Be Alive

 

**Brace yourself for a wordy, emotional post! A year ago today, I had the worst flare up of colitis that I’ve ever had. It was so bad in fact that I honestly thought I was going to die. I’m going to share some of that day with you, I’ll try and keep it PG and leave out the icky parts, but there will be some that I will share. You might want to skip this post if you’re squeamish.**

Exactly One year ago to day, I thought my life was over. I  had some major family drama going on, I desperately missed my fiancé (he was 2000+ miles away at the time) and I was working at a job I hated, where people screamed at me and were appallingly rude… and that was just the staff! I had only been there 2 weeks and I desperately wanted out.

It was a Saturday morning and it started off worse than most. Because I was so new I didn’t have my own key, I was scheduled to open by myself, but no one bothered to tell me that. I got to work after having babysat all night. I didn’t feel good at all. I’d been sick off and on through the night and had been in pain too. Of course that equals little sleep. Then I got to work to discover that the place was closed. So I waited thinking someone would show up… Soon it was time to open and no one was there but me. I call my boss… left a message. I called another supervisor…left a message. I called my boss again… and left another message. I tried texting another supervisor that had been there a while and finally got through. Someone with a key finally showed up… and we opened 30 minutes late. I can only imagine what the customers that were trying to order their pizza’s thought!

Everything was open, we were taking orders, but I still felt awful. I was so stressed out by the insanity of the morning. And stress is my worst enemy.

The came to most awful phone call I’ve ever had to deal with. Some how this woman's order had gotten messed up and she was LIVID! I can understand being up set, but she used words that still make me cringe when thinking about it. Unfortunately I was new to the system, still learning and upset by the start to my day. I managed to make the situation worse by accidentally disconnecting her! She called back and was transferred back to me… she started threatening to call the cops and was completely out of control The other supervisor that was there was getting ready to go on break and was pretty much doing her best to ignore me… I tried desperately to get her attention! I couldn’t get the woman on the phone to stop screaming long enough for me to put her on hold. I finally got her attention, covered the mouth phone with my hand and asked for help. I transferred the call to her and took a deep breath.

Even writing this now, a year later, makes me upset and shaky!

I excused myself, went to the washroom, got a drink, tried to calm down and went back to my phone station. A few minutes passed, and the other supervisor got off the phone having dealt with the irate customer… She turned to me, and pretty much jumped down my throat. I was incompetent, I was a fool, I was a complete idiot, I was a B*$!&, I was a **#& (a word I will never in my life utter to any one! No matter what the circumstances), I had no business “snapping my fingers" to get her attention and if I ever treated her like that again she was going to break my wrist!

Needless to say I was quite shaken.

I got up and left the room. Tried to get my composure and attempted to return to work. I was at my desk for all of 3 minutes when I felt a searing pain across my midsection. Pain unlike anything I have experienced, ever! I doubled over. I turned pasty white and shakily ran to the washroom.

I have never before in my life had I seen that much blood. And CSI doesn’t count.

I was freaked out!

I tried to call my specialist. I tried to call my doctor.

When I couldn’t get through to either. I knew that I absolutely had to go to the hospital.

I walked back out to the office, and start packing my things, only to be once again verbally accosted by the other supervisor. Ignoring her (I didn’t know what else to do), I looked at the only other person in the room and said “I need to go to the hospital and I am leaving right now”

And I did.

I left that verbally abusive, crazy, impossibly rude woman with her mouth hanging open and I walked out the door.

Looking back I probably should have just called an ambulance and waited outside for them to come get me… but I wanted to get away from there as soon as possible.

I hopped in my car and started to drive myself to the hospital. I wanted to go to the hospital that my specialist worked out of… and in the process drove 25 minutes, and passed to others much closer that I probably should have gone to instead… but that’s hindsight, and you know what they say about hindsight!

I had another, what I call “episode”, just as I got to the hospital. I pretty much walked in, called for help and passed out.

If you want quick emergency room attention, walk in, pass out and smash your head on a desk as you do it! Or not… cause its an awful thing to wake up and have no idea where you are and have complete strangers taking your clothes off cause you’re covered in blood and vomit (I told you squeamish people not to read!)

At 27 years of age I was crying like a baby and begging for my Mom.

I had managed to text her on the way to the hospital, but I hadn’t heard back. I also texted my Fiancé, just before I passed out and puked all over my purse and phone! Opps! The poor man was freaking out! When I finally got my phone back, there were 17 messages from him and over 30 texts. He went 4 hours knowing only that I was at the hospital and I had lost a lot of blood. I can’t imagine that kind of agony!

Nest came a barrage of tests… they took more blood, tested my hemoglobin, took my blood pressure, etc. They tried to get me to stand up for some reason, and I passed out again. There I was all alone in the emergency room surrounded by nurses and doctors, and thinking I was going to die. I’ve never been that scared in my entire life.

My Mom had gone on a shopping trip 3 hours away and was rushing back to be there for me, and I managed to get ahold of a very good friend that is more like my big sister. Also an older couple from the church I grew up in that were more like my grandparents came to support me and make sure I was ok.

I’ve never been more grateful for friends and family that drop everything and rush to make sure I’m ok. Of course that was pretty much the first time anything like that had happened, but it was soooo nice to know they cared. Especially since I was freaking out!

Over the next 24 hours I lost more blood, had a transfusion, suffered through more intense pain, got pain meds that knocked me out, had 3 different Iv’s going (took them 14 tried to find veins!) and cried more tears than I thought possible.

Eventually things settled down, I saw a specialist (not my own, cause he was on vacation), I had more tests that were inconclusive. I made friends with the “old” ladies in my hospital room. I kind of adopted one of them as a grandmother since she had no family or friends. I prayed. I slept, a lot. Friends came and visited me, and kept me from going insane. I have to say I have some of the best friends on the planet! (And I miss them cause now they’re the ones 2000+ miles away).

The results of the tests basically said I had a stress induced massive flare up. I could have told them that. But they needed to be sure there were no rips or wholes or something inside me that would cause a repeat.

I stayed in the hospital 5 days. A couple of friends took me home and got me into bed. Another came and stayed the first night with me to make sure I was ok. Several others came to help me pack, since I was due to move out of my apartment that weekend. And My brother was also getting married! Talk about craziness!!

I know that there were angels guiding my car that day. I drove myself there, but I remember none of that trip. I know that God was watching over me, protecting me and comforting me in those scary moments. I wouldn’t have made it though ok if He hadn’t been.

I am beyond thankful to be alive and {mostly} well today! I still struggle with the disease that I’ve been told I will have for the rest of my life, but hey, Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger right?

I never went back to the “job from hell”. A friend picked up my pay check and I found something a million times better. And in case you’re wondering, I did talk to the boss/owner about the crazy woman that they had working for them and I found out later that she was fired for “unprofessional behavior in the work environment” Take that ya crazy woman!

If you made it all the way through this post you deserve a special High Five!